Ok, here's the deal, folks. I realize that I NEVER friggin write in this piece of shite one may call my thoughts on life, but I have something to say tonight for some reason at almost one in the morning, SO YOU'RE GOING TO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND LISTEN, DAMMIT.
Alright, so let's say I'm sitting here at my computer, watching stupid movies of little asian kids playing the mario theme and cats being tossed around by an oscillating fan, and I realize that I'm a loser and noone wants me around. So I decide to contact the outside world using this generations favorite cess pool: AIM. So I go on and to my dismay, see that all of my contacts are either away or idle. Yarg.
Now I have a confession to make: I am a compulsive away message checker. I MUST know what could be SOOOO TOTALLY IMPORTANT in their pitiful lives rather than talking to me. So, I'm going through everyone's profiles and shit and see why they're away: "Eating". Ok, that's a good reason to leave your computer for a few minutes. Food equals sustinance equals more time to play World of Warcraft. Good Job. Next one: "I am away from my computer now". ......Right, ok, that's fine, not original or anything, but a good general statement.
And then I run into one of my great friends info, hoping to see that she is doing constructive with herself or fighting crime or something. But nooooo......it says "Auto response from INSERT FRIEND HERE: what do we do now? it's up to you."
What? What do you mean? Did I do something wrong? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME????? WHY IS THIS SO PERSONAL??? WHAT IS UP TO ME? I'm not naming names, but it was christine beam, who resides in Athens Ohio and is a student at OU. Look her up.
I desperately keep looking through infos: "We could try to take the high road, though we don't know where it leads..." What the fuck does this mean? HOLY SHIT! SOMEONE PUT A WHOLE SONG! You see where this leads don't you? It leads to me going out onto the streets of pittsburgh and stepping on sleeping pigeons.
So please, think about the pigeons. They are a cultural item vital for the survival of Pittsburgh. Don't leave ambiguous away messages. It pisses me off.
Oh, and for those of you who think I complain about shit that doesn't concern me or that I'm actually serious about this whole farcical article on a life observation: Suck it.  | 
